So there’s a known thing in the study of human psychology/sociology/what-have-you where men are known to, on average, rely entirely on their female romantic partner for emotional support. Bonding with other men is done at a more superficial level involving fun group activities and conversations about general subjects but rarely involves actually leaning on other men or being really honest about emotional problems. Men use alcohol to be able to lower their inhibitions enough to expose themselves emotionally to other men, but if you can’t get emotional support unless you’re drunk, you have a problem.
So men need to have a woman in their lives to have anyone they can share their emotional needs and vulnerabilities with. However, since women are not socialized to fear sharing these things, women’s friendships with other women are heavily based on emotional support. If you can’t lean on her when you’re weak, she’s not your friend. To women, what friendship is is someone who listens to all your problems and keeps you company.
So this disconnect men are suffering from is that they think that only a person who is having sex with you will share their emotions and expect support. That’s what a romantic partner does. But women think that’s what a friend does. So women do it for their romantic partners and their friends and expect a male friend to do it for them the same as a female friend would. This fools the male friend into thinking there must be something romantic there when there is not.
This here is an example of patriarchy hurting everyone. Women have a much healthier approach to emotional support – they don’t die when widowed at nearly the rate that widowers die and they don’t suffer emotionally from divorce nearly as much even though they suffer much more financially, and this is because women don’t put all their emotional needs on one person. Women have a support network of other women. But men are trained to never share their emotions except with their wife or girlfriend, because that isn’t manly. So when she dies or leaves them, they have no one to turn to to help with the grief, causing higher rates of death, depression, alcoholism and general awfulness upon losing a romantic partner.
So men suffer terribly from being trained in this way. But women suffer in that they can’t reach out to male friends for basic friendship. I am not sure any man can comprehend how heartbreaking it is to realize that a guy you thought was your friend was really just trying to get into your pants. Friendship is real. It’s emotional, it’s important to us. We lean on our friends. Knowing that your friend was secretly seething with resentment when you were opening up to him and sharing your problems because he felt like he shouldn’t have to do that kind of emotional work for anyone not having sex with him, and he felt used by you for that reason, is horrible. And the fact that men can’t share emotional needs with other men means that lots of men who can’t get a girlfriend end up turning into horrible misogynistic people who think the world owes them the love of a woman, like it’s a commodity… because no one will die without sex. Masturbation exists. But people will die or suffer deep emotional trauma from having no one they can lean on emotionally. And men who are suffering deep emotional trauma, and have been trained to channel their personal trauma into rage because they can’t share it, become mass shooters, or rapists, or simply horrible misogynists.
The only way to fix this is to teach boys it’s okay to love your friends. It’s okay to share your needs and your problems with your friends. It’s okay to lean on your friends, to hug your friends, to be weak with your friends. Only if this is okay for boys to do with their male friends can this problem be resolved… so men, this one’s on you. Women can’t fix this for you; you don’t listen to us about matters of what it means to be a man. Fix your own shit and teach your brothers and sons and friends that this is okay, or everyone suffers.
Twitter made the Jewish lady that posted this delete it for “threatening violence.”
Her followers spent the rest of the day tweeting this. Trolls couldn’t keep up.
Coming from someone who studies the Holocaust and the history surrounding it, It is important to remember that Nazis were human, not monsters.
It’s important because if we dehumanize them we create a level of separation between us and them. It’s important because if we create that level of removal, we start ignoring the subtle signs of antisemitism because “Oh, well they’re just a normal human, not a monster, i’m sure it’ll be alright.” It’s important because when we create that level of removal, they come back in waves. It’s important because when you create that level of separation, you get the problems that we have now.
There is a very simple set of brain equations involved when we dehumanize the enemy, and it goes something like this:
“Nazis are monsters” “I would not be friends with a monster”
The CORRECT conclusion is “I cannot be friends with Nazis”
BUT PEOPLE KEEP BELIEVING THE COROLLARY “None of my friends are Nazis” “…even that one guy who keeps posting ‘ironic’ Pepe memes, who never really grew out of his 4Chan /pol/ phase, and who keeps trying to have really intense conversations with me about ‘globalists’. But he’s my friend! I’ve known him forever! He doesn’t REALLY believe any of that stuff. He’s just kind of an asshole, and we love him anyway.”
This is a very bad corollary. It is an extraordinarily dangerous corollary. When we sincerely believe that we would not be friends with bad people, we ignore the signs that our friends are bad people.
(Friendly note: you can replace “Nazi” above with “sexual predator” or “racist” or “abuser”. Same hat, pretty much. There are very real reasons not to dehumanize the enemy, and they have nothing to do with the enemy’s right to humanity, and everything to do with the enemy’s ability to sneak past our lines wearing a nice-person mask.)
i hate the customer service stage of friendships, that exhausting stage where you have to pretend to be constantly enthusiastic and your answer to everything is “i don’t mind! :)” ..they’re the customer and i’m trying to sell my friendship and my fear of being disliked is my asshole manager
you know there are people in this world who make a career out of being really really good captain jack sparrow impersonators so idk if they really want to keep making more pirates movies it would be really fucking easy to replace johnny depp lol…
I have had this exact thought multiple times, there are -women- I’ve met who could play him and you’d barely notice
Johnny Depp impersonators are like, their own class, like Elvis impersonators
you could replace Depp in all movies that producers wanted his character type in ever and no one would be the wiser
^^^
Pirates of the Carribean
but every scene is an entirely different depp impersonator
no one notices until the credits roll and there are like 1700 names for “Captain Jack Sparrow”
this is the dream
Ten years ago I was at Disney World and the face actor for Jack was spot-the-entire-fuck-on. A little kid in a Jack Sparrow costume walked up to him and he stared a moment and said “Well… you look familiar!” with just perfect comic timing, then leaned down and asked the kid “er, where’s your mum?” When she was pointed out, he stood up, squinted suspiciously at her for a moment, then said “Oh, good, you don’t look familiar.”
He was just so good, we stood there and watched him for like ten minutes. Hire that dude. Shoot Johnny Depp into the sun.
This could also give Big Break opportunities for a bunch of broke actors who haven’t been in a major film yet. The missed film opportunity wouldn’t exactly hurt Johnny Depp…. but of course they’d still be reluctant to do it.
“um OP don’t you know you’re supposed to have blankets on your bed that you never come into physical contact with” I’m sorry that you live in Actual Real Hell my friend but here in the world of the living I like to be able to rest comfortably without worrying that shifting in my sleep will cause my skin to explode by coming into contact with the Blanket of Forbidden Texture
See this is the kind of thing I was wondering about when posting about why making the bed could take so long. What are you people doing with your beds? I tried to Google this, but it still makes no sense.
Do US people not use those sheets that go on fully around the blanket? And why not? Is the top sheet supposed to function like those sheets, only fifty times worse because there is nothing holding it in place?
Sheets that go fully around the blankets? What the heck are you talking about.
With me you got your fitted sheet (or top sheet that gets tucked in), 5 Soft Blankets and then a comforter.
Do people even use top sheets anymore? I have only seen them at h/motels. Maybe in a very hot climate it would be better to use them versus a blanket? Anyway I have only seen them in-between the fitted sheet and the blankets?
What kavesinisukka means is a sheet that’s like a pillow case for your comforter.
Here we have the sheet that covers the mattress, then you, then a comforter that’s in a comdforter-sized pillow case and that’s it. That’s all the blankets and sheets you need.
You can get an extra blanket on top if you’re Cold but out comforters are designed to keep you warm all through icy winter.
So it’s basically a giant sleeping bag for your comforter? Do you crawl in with it or do you just go under the comforter and comforter case thing???
Huh i just learned a new thing
Heh I suppose that description works. A very thin sleeping bag made of sheet for your comforter. You don’t get into the bag yourself. The sheet is there as a protective and decorative casing around your comforter, protecting it both from dust but also from you, so that you can take it off and wash it every few weeks, because the comforter itself is not supposed to be washed.
This strikes me as something rich people do that needlessly complicates things. I barely have time to make my bed after changing the sheets, you’re telling me people spend time wrestling a giant bulky blanket into a sleeping bag sleeve every so often? It’s hard enough getting the fitted sheet on the mattress!
Why on earth would I own something I use daily that I can’t wash.
But… it’s the opposite… the sheet stays on the blanket/comforter the whole time. When you wash your linens, you only wash the sheet and you just put a new one on the blanket. It’s less work, not more
Yup. And with a duvet cover that’s well designed (not all of them are), you put your hands through the small corner holes, pick up the blanket/comforter by the corners and pull it slightly through the opening on the other side, and you shake. Voilà, comforter inside duvet cover in fifteen seconds.
(Also, washing the duvet covers every week is usually a good idea.)
Ok, now I’m confused, because I assumed that Americans who actually use duvets (rather than comforters, which are slightly different and seem to be what most Americans use?) also use duvet covers. Is this not the case? Or do so many Americans just not know about duvet covers simply because they themselves don’t have duvets?
If I have any American followers who have an answer to this, I’d be interested to know, because it’s relevant for a Christmas fic I’m working on.
This… honestly confused the heck out of me. I’ve lived in America my whole life – in case you couldn’t tell from all the political and Marvel crap – and I’ve never not used a comforter sheet-case thing? IKEA literally sells sheet sets with those; I thought it was a universal American experience up until I was hanging out in a friend’s dorm last year and their comforter didn’t have a sheet and I freaked out at them like “what if your comforter gets dirty?!” And then “are you SERIOUS?! You’re telling me you throw your COMFORTER in the washing machine?! In the dorm washing machines?! How have you not set off any fires?!”
Anyway, I have no idea what these things are called in English, but, yes, I’ve used one my whole life*; I don’t know what all these other Americans are doing – this is pretty bizarre.
I saw a later post that tried to explain that this was a “rich people thing” and young adults on tumblr somehow can’t afford a sheet set from IKEA, which is utter poppycock – it’s not like it’s woven from imported silk and hand-embroidered or anything; you’re literally spending maybe $15-20 on a sheet set, which you need anyway for a bed, plus whatever you need for a comforter, if you don’t already have one. It makes the comforter last longer and significantly decreases the amount of laundry you have to do, which is a net gain.
Tl;Dr some Americans are just… weird.
*with the exception of that period when I had an awesome bed but couldn’t find a comforter-cover-wrap to go with it and had to settle for a flat sheet under it
NineofShades 