A really weird, random beginning of something I wrote for a challenge from a friend.  

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…

…

They were young, these gods.
They were lacking.  

…

…

Gods that formed from a person’s fear of thunder could
comport themselves with dignity, if with a certain lack of
impulse-control.  They could have
power.  They could rule.  

Gods that formed from a student body’s fear of examinations,
now, those were a different class.  

…

…

“Drink up, pledge!”  Sobriety slapped the newly minted god on the
back.  

Test Anxiety gulped, but grabbed
the blue solo cup and downed it in one swig.

“Attaboy!” cheered And
Sisterhood.  She was new, too, only a few
months old, but you could expect her to never let the latest member forget that
few month’s difference.  She chugged her
own drink, a heady mix of warm-and-fuzzies in a fizzing can.  Poverty good-naturedly refilled it for
her.  

“Congratulations – you’re one of us
now!” said Sleep Deprivation, bouncing up and down in their seat.  

Treachery was about to comment, but
was interrupted by a hesitant cough.  

“Ahem.”  

Everyone turned to look.  

There was a nerdy-looking girl
standing at the foot of their East Campus shrine.  That was what they called it.  They didn’t have dominion over every school,
of course; just fairly small, liberal arts colleges and universities with
plenty of anxious test-takers and theatre majors and sports stars with their
superstitions and rituals.  Their shrines
stood in important epicenters:  the most
historic buildings on campus, the site of a famous event, the roadsides by
which students laid offerings for ravens or snakes, the best smoking spots, the
center of Greek Life, the fields and rivers that made their way to campus
postcards, the best dorms, the streaking greens.  Once, they’d tried to set up camp in a
president’s home, but the old man had become so enraged by the masses of
students sneaking into his house at three in the morning to pray over Dollar
Store incense that he’d driven out all the believers and installed security
cameras, and that was the end of the miracles.

This particular shrine was set up
in the courtyard between several ancient-looking academic buildings; trees and
flowers surrounding benches surrounding a statue of some sort of abstract art
that the gods had claimed for themselves.
A smattering of offerings lay at the foot of it:  hunks of cheese from the nearby shop, red
solo cups full of the priciest beer Wawa had to offer, and a few bags of chips
that had blown away.  The chips were
rejected offerings.  They had been
purchased from the on-campus convenience store where students could spend their
campus-provided Flexible Spending dollars.
The gods detested perfunctory offerings.

In the midst of all these offerings,
the mortal girl stood, waiting.  

“Yes, honey, what is your plea?”
asked Social Rejection in honeyed tones.
The nerd girl flinched away from xem.

“I, uh… I have a test coming up?”
she said timidly, making her statement sound like a question about her own
schedule.  Time Mismanagement rolled her
eyes.  

Sleep Deprivation frowned.  They were the most senior god present, but
they weren’t very experienced with direct believer interaction yet, and this
puzzled them.  

“Is it the content, a scheduling
conflict, or something else?” they ventured.

“Ummm…”  The girl fidgeted.  “The, uh, I don’t really know anything about
the subject?  And it’s a lot of
material?  And I started this web serial
and didn’t have time to do any of the readings?”  

Sleep Deprivation stroked their
chin, where they had tried, without the slightest success, to grow a
beard.  Behind them, Time Mismanagement
tutted.  Sleep Deprivation shot her a
warning glance – it simply wouldn’t do to be judgmental of your followers while
they were asking you for help.  

“Hm,” they said, gravely, as if
they were weighing sensible alternatives, rather than concealing the fact that they
hadn’t the faintest idea what to do yet.
“This seems like you’re under a lot of-”

“DON’T SAY IT!” shouted five gods
simultaneously.  

“-pressure,” they finished.  “I know who can help.  This is a big, multifaceted problem, and the
only person who deals with overall problems like this is-”

“We are NOT involving her,” Time
Mismanagement yelled.  She grabbed Sleep
Deprivation by the lapels and began shaking them.  

“Whoa!” said Sleep, rattling back
and forth.  “Calm down!  I wasn’t planning on calling her in!”

Time narrowed her eyes, but let go
of Sleep’s jacket front, which they carefully smoothed out before
continuing.  

“I think the best thing you can do
right now is to make some sacrifices to Time here –” he gestured at his
assailant, who nodded – “and Exam Cram, who’s not here right now, but she’ll
show up if you drop some protein bars.
Peanut butter is her favorite.
Okay?”  

The girl nodded, quickly, as if she
was afraid the gods would be offended if she didn’t.  

“Great.  Once you do that, what you want to do is sit
down at your desk and just study, without doing anything else, until your
test.  How good is your YAKarma?”  

The girl tilted her head.  “My… Yonderworld Assistance Karma?”  

“Yeah.  How’s it doing?  Have you made sacrifices here regularly,
offered the best booze and caffeinated beverages?”  

“Well, uh…” the mortal shifted from
foot to foot.  “I didn’t really, at the
beginning, you know?  Because I didn’t
think I’d need any help?  But then I
started doing badly in chemistry, and I… started coming here last month?  I sacrificed a bunch of stuff, remember?  Hot coffee, chocolate bars, Oreos..”

“Hang on,” the deity interrupted.  “What kind of coffee?”  

“A ginger spice latte…”

“Aromas, Brew-Ha-Ha, or-”

“Café Au Lait,” she said.  Firmly
for once.  And she’d pronounced it
perfectly, meaning she was probably in a French class, or had been, at
least.  

“Okay,” said Sleep Deprivation.  “Your karma’s pretty good, then.  Send some prayers up to Distraction, and
he’ll take care of focus for you.  And
then, last but not least…” – they gave their most winsome smile – “…you need to
appease me.”  

The girl had pulled out a notebook
and scrambled to take notes, but this made her jerk up.  “Right – to stay awake?  For the test?
Okay, sure, I, uh- what do you want?”

“More of that lovely ginger stuff
from Café Au Lait, please, if you wouldn’t mind,” they said, smiling
charmingly.  “And I wouldn’t say no to
some caramel and whipped cream.”