tfw ur trying to write plot but ur brain only provides you with out-of-sequence snippets built on vague ideas and an endless number of potential outcomes that develop and branch out unnaturally over an unspecified timespan
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Do other people actually know how many years they’ve been writing fiction? Actually? Really?
I straight-up can’t imagine that.
I literally decided I was going to write a novel when I was seven. And then I wrote a self-insert series of short stories where I was the captain of a travelling hot air balloon with an annoying crew who never stopped bickering with each other and had a sentient bumblebee mascot. Does that count as when I started writing? Like… I’m not counting the story I wrote for first grade, because that was an in-class assignment, but… what counts?
Where is the cutoff? Is it when you first decided you would be a writer and wrote something for it? Is it your first project that you tried to get published? The first time you developed your own personal style? The first time you wrote something good? The first time you remember writing anything, period, that was an original work of fiction?
This isn’t meant mockingly or anything; I actually don’t understand how normal humans work, but it’d be cool if people could talk about when they ‘first started writing’ and why they consider that point to be when they first started but not any of the other points.
me: I’m an author!! I love making characters suffer!! FEED ME YOUR TEARS, PUNY MORTALS!!
beta reader: this chapter made me sad 😦
me: oh no, plot canceled, I’m rewriting it so it’s 80k words of tea and blanket forts—
I wish I was a “wow how did I get to 10k already haha damn” writer and not a “WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS IS ONLY 3,000 WORDS? I HAVE BEEN WRITING FOR FOUR YEARS” writer ya feel
As a lot of people aren’t familiar with plot creatures, I thought I’d shed some light on the members of the mental menagerie…
The Plot Bunny – Story ideas that come bounding in and start multiplying.
The Plot Chicken – They squawk, flap around, and shit everywhere, but
when you actually need to do something with them, they scatter.
The Plot Sloth – Takes its sweet goddamned time turning into something useful.
The Plot Mule – When you mash two plots together and get something
cool, but you can’t get a sequel out of it to save your life.
The
Plot Cat – Lazy little bastards who take up your headspace, scare away
all the other plot bunnies, but won’t actually do anything except lay
there.
The Plottweiler – Barks loudly and viciously so you can’t
ignore it, distracts you from everything else you want to write, but
leaves you too paralyzed with fear to actually put words down.
The Plot Squirrel – Cute, distracting, full of nuts, and just TRY to keep up with that train of thought.
The Plot Bedbug – Shows up during the night, chews on you so you can’t sleep, and disappears in the daylight.
The Plot Tick – Burrows in, bleeds you dry, and leaves you with the creepy-crawlies. Mostly preys on horror writers.
The Plotroach – Totally unappealing, but so tenacious they’ll survive anything until you finally give up and write them.
NineofShades 